S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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