next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
