she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
