I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
