Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
