i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
