so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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