i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
