i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
