My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
