I have demons in me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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