He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
