VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
