Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
