note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
