He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
