Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
