Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
