I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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