i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
