Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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