Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
