all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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