Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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