well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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