If that was your dad, he is hot
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
