i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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