At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
