Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
