You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
