It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
