PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
