my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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