Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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