Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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