I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my shit smells like andre
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
