Umm I'm too high to move.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
