feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
