I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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