Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
