I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
