brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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