plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
