tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
