Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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