I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How does one acquire holy water?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
