who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
