I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
