he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
