But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
