Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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