I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
