Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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