I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
